Future

I'm having a hard time explaining  my feelings to  Valdor.  He wants to move our relationship from friends  to a couple.  I'm  afraid he's just  missing Bruce and  he is moving his feelings of grief to love.

I've known Valdor as long as I've known Bruce.  Bruce, Valdor and I have been out lots of times, just the three of us because Valdor's, wife, Sarah never wanted to go.  Valdor and I have always gotten along great.  We've always been good friends and have shared lots of laughs, sometimes at Bruce or Sarah's expense.  I've said before Valdor is not like Bruce.  They have some things in common, besides the fact they are both German and 6'1" and have brown hair and brown eyes, they are both very intelligant.  Bruce often said Valdor was the smartest man he had ever known.  They are both the most remarkable men I've ever known.

My problem is my heart has not been broken, its been crushed three times in my life and at my age I'm not willing to go through that again.  I don't want to jump into a rebound or be someone's comfort until he feels better.  Valdor is smart, funny, handsome and financially secure.  He is 51 years old but could certainly get a woman much younger, so I don't know why he would even want to be with me.  If it were not for Bruce I'm sure he would move on to someone else much younger and certainly more attractive.

I ran into his soon to be ex-wife, Sarah, at Safeway.  She was actually nice to me, something she has not been in the last year.  She said the divorce was a mutual agreement.  She said after Bruce's death they both looked at each other and decided life was too short to spend with someone you don't love.  She said she and Valdor have slept in seperate rooms for over a year.  She said neither had ever been unfaithful to the other and she hopes they can be friends.  She said "He's all your's if you want him."  I asked why she would say that and she said Valdor had always had a crush on me.  My friend said running into her was a sign. LOL 

When Bruce died, Valdor and I met at the airport so I could see Bruce before they flew his body to Germany.  Then Valdor and Sarah stayed in Germany for almost a month.  He came back to Kirkland for a month, during that month I only saw him once.  He testified in my Probate trial.  Then he was working in Quebec up until two days ago.  During this time he never called.  Every couple of days I would get a text with a picture of a puppy, heart, smiley face, bunny, a teddy bear or a rose.  He never said anything.  He just sent me a picture.

I really care for him.  He is such a nice guy, but I don't want to break his heart or mine.  I've tried to explain my feelings to him but he just keeps saying its what Bruce would want.  I'm not sure that is true.  I need help to come up with the right words to make him understand.  I don't know how to tell him.