Final Goodbye

Last night, Valdor and I finally gave Bruce the send off he wanted.  

First,  how did Valdor get the "Twisted Sister's" to give him, Bruce's body for cremation?  They didn't.  Valdor said 9 hours after he called them to inform them of Bruce's death, he received an emergency Magistrate Order from Germany, ordering Bruce's body be returned to Germany.  Valdor said he was in shock so he complied with the order, but he truly thought the sister's just wanted to make a big show for some attention and after the funeral Bruce would be returned to him.  He was in stunned to found out he couldn't  leave with the body.

So, unbeknownst,  to me, Vador has spent the last 5 months battling in Federal Court to have his body returned.  The German courts finally gave up when Valdor produced papers stating Bruce had become an American Citizen and that he had denounced Germany and even vowed never to return.

I wanted to go out on the lake in the boat and spread his ashes, but Valdor (always thinking of himself haha) said he has started the paperwork making me the executor of his estate and I will have to spread his ashes.  He said I have a horrible sense of direction so he didn't want me to take his ashes out to some random spot on the lake and spread them.  So we went to Denny Park in Kirkland.  There's a little point that sticks out on the lake and Bruce would paddle board to that spot and then turn around.  

On the way there, which isn't far from Bruce's home and just past mine, Valdor played one of Bruce's favorite songs, Michael Jackson's, "Beat It". We both laughed, Bruce loved that song.  You couldn't tell by just looking at him, but Bruce had a lot of rhythm and was a very good dancer.  Valdor said "Yes, if he had just stuck with the dancing, but my poor friend always tried to sing.  He was fluent in 6 languages and could not carry a tune in any of them."

When we got there I tried to explain to Valdor that it was much to windy and we should wait until another night.  Of course, he said Bruce would not expect anything less than chaos and screw ups where he and I were concerned.   

We took off our shoes and waded out into the water. Valdor said his good-bye first.
"I'm sorry, my brother, it has taken me so long to return you to the home you loved.  You see how I am going to get along without your guidance?  I will have to make decisions on my own now, of course, left to my own thoughts I will probably make mistakes.  So from this day forward I will have to stop and ask myself "What would Bruskiasban do?" I love you, my brother.  My heart and soul has not felt such pain since I buried my parents almost 30 years ago, but you were by my side then.  Now, I have no one but Bonnie.  I promise to take care of her for you, to treat her well and to be a complete gentleman like you were.  Save a place for me there, Brother.  I will see you someday."  Then he said something in German.  He cried with every word, so by the time I got to my good bye I was crying so badly, I couldn't hardly breath.

"Sweetheart, this is the saddest day and the happiest day all wrapped into one.  I'm happy that you are finally getting to rest in eternal peace, but sad that this seems real now.  For the last 5 months I've tried to  pretend this didn't happen.  I would convince myself you were at the store, work or with Valdor.  Now this seems real.  I wake up every morning telling myself, I'm not going to cry today.  The longest I've made it was 6 hours.  There hasn't been one single night that I haven't cried myself to sleep.  I miss you more than words, more than the tears I've cried and certainly more than my heart can bare.  But I still love you just as much.  I have days when I'm mad at you because you said you'd never leave me.  I know God wanted you with him, but I miss you.  I wish he had given me some kind of warning, a sign or something, because I never got to tell you that I loved you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life.  I pray I see you.  I would be happy if its soon. Rest in peace, my love."

Then Valdor and I opened the box and the wind stopped.  The tide slowed down and waves were lightly crashing against the shore instead of the hard pounding it was getting minutes ago.  Valdor smiled and I kept crying.  We spread his ashes, while a crowd of people watched us.  Then we walked back and sat down on a bench to watch the sunset.

"Thank you." I said to Valdor.  "Bruce would have been so proud of you.  He would have been proud you took the legal route and not just broken into the vault and stole his body." I glanced at him and he smiled.

"That's what you thought, didn't you?" he said.

"Yes. I know you and the depth of your love for Bruce."

We sat in silence for a long time.  Finally, Valdor put his arm around me and I laid my head on his chest and we both cried."

Valdor said, "I've had this pain in my head, my chest, heart, stomach and soul since Bruskiasban died.  I don't know if its sorrow, because I miss him so badly,  anguish because I left him in Germany or guilt, because I am in love with you."  

"You will always miss him and this should help with the anguish.  As for loving me, trust me, that never works out well for anyone.  You should move on without me."

Valdor hugged me tighter and then kissed the top of my head.  "I could no more stop loving you than I can stop missing Bruskiasban.  I just pray you and I can find peace and happiness together."  

After a few minutes Val said "Close your eyes."  I did but reluctantly.  Val said "Bruskiasban, Bonnie and I have loved you with all our hearts.  We will always love you.  Together we will keep your memory alive.  She will take your place as my voice of reason and good sense. You've said many times she has a good, kind heart, so she will be my friend.  My best friend now.  But you will always be my brother and you will always be her "love".  I hope we have your blessing."

I was crying so bad.  I couldn't remember when I had cried so hard.  Val and I got up to leave and he said "The sun is almost gone I want a picture to save.  I want to remember this." Just as he snapped the picture we both saw a shooting star.

I stopped crying and stood there staring at the sky "Did you see that?"  I asked Val.

Val who was obviously not listening turned and said "Did you see that star?" 

I said "If this was a movie you couldn't have written a better ending."

Valdor being Valdor said "I want George Clooney to play me."

We left and said very little all the way home.  I think we were both kind of in shock.  We didn't know until this morning that he had captured the shooting star.  He called me from his office and said I am  emailing you that picture, you won't believe it."