After the Ashes
On the morning I was supposed to go to the hospital for a small out patient procedure, Valdor asked me why I continued to make coffee for Bruce. I never really thought about it before. Valdor and I both drink our coffee black, while Bruce always poured a little milk in his.
Valdor came in the kitchen and picked up Bruce's coffee cup, "How often do you make him coffee?" he asked. I thought about it for a minute. "Every morning." I said, watching him pour the coffee in the sink.
"Bonnie you've got to stop stuff like this. He's not coming back. He's not going to walk in the kitchen and pick up that cup of coffee." I knew he was right. I started crying. I just couldn't stop crying or making the coffee.
"You're a fine one to talk." I snapped, in between tears, as I grabbed the cup from his hands. "You won't sit in Bruce's chair. Every time we sit out by the lake at night we have to sit on the end of the dock, because you won't sit in his chair. You're always saying its more comfortable or I want to hang my feet in the water. That's bull and you know it." Valdor's eyes started to water, I should have stopped but I didn't. I was hurting and I wanted him to hurt too. "And what's this?" I snapped as I picked up his phone from the counter. Valdor looked at me hurt and embarrassed. I realized then I had gone to far.
Valdor reached for his phone and I whispered "I'm sorry" as I put my arms around him. He started crying. "You're right. I can't sit in his chair. Do you know how many times I stood on my balcony looking down at the two of you sitting there by the water?" He stood there for a minute wiping his eyes. "Or how many times, when the two of you were broke up or you were working at Wal-Mart he would sit there and send me a text that said "I've got a chair and a beer for you my friend"? I would grab a couple of cigars and we would sit there staring across the lake and talk for hours"
I reached for the tissues and told him again I was sorry. He looked at his phone and started wiping it off, like it had something on it. I knew he was stalling, he was trying to come up with the words to tell me why he had missed calls from Bruce. Finally, he said "I pay Bruskiasban's phone bill every month. Occasionally, I call my phone from his, just so I can see the words "Bruskiasban called" or I let it go to voicemail and it will say "1 new voicemail from Bruskiasban." I look at it while it rings so I can see his picture and his number." Valdor wiped his nose and asked if I thought he was crazy.
"You're asking someone who still makes him coffee, who still won't wash his shirts and sits in the passenger side of his car, waiting on him to get in? Does it sound like I'm qualified to answer that question?"